Wednesday, November 29, 2006
hey...
im alive. surprised? I don't blame you. (x
once again,im isolating myself.Its the stupidest thing.Don't really know why im doing it tho~.Wondering whether the depression bug got me or something.Lethargy bites me in the joints,everything.Like im in a coma or something.I feel as if im ready to go.Where?To die of course.haha.Nah.maybe the days are just getting repetitive and isolation has got to me.I really feel that I can relate more to the songs I listen to than the people around me.
a minor part of a chat ive had...
[-dart- ™ ] my head is spinning and im not on drugs says:
we should always lo forward and move ahead
[Zecter-Hunter] -HYPER CLOCK UP- says:
faisal./....i really wonder at times.....how do i have a friend like you who optimistic one
[-dart- ™ ] my head is spinning and im not on drugs says:
cos ive been through many bad things....
[-dart- ™ ] my head is spinning and im not on drugs says:and without my friends or the will to move on...id be stuck
[-dart- ™ ] my head is spinning and im not on drugs says:there
[Zecter-Hunter] -HYPER CLOCK UP- says:
heh....i am very thankful
[-dart- ™ ] my head is spinning and im not on drugs says:
dw.to tell u the truth..initially in sec 4 midway..i hated u..lol.but i moved on fast
[-dart- ™ ] my head is spinning and im not on drugs says:
btw if ur wondering...i m thankful to have a friend like you too
[-dart- ™ ] my head is spinning and im not on drugs says:
[Zecter-Hunter] -HYPER CLOCK UP- says:
keke....i reflected and i agree faisal, n i dun blame you
[Zecter-Hunter] -HYPER CLOCK UP- says:
cos in sec sch.....i made a huge ton of mistakes
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seriously ive been wondering,am I really that nice to have around or anything?.basically.Ive been an ass more than once and i know it.aitez.enough of the bad stuff.but seriously who am I kidding?myself?I know that im not as optimistic anymore and the attitude I have currently comes at a price.basically.Ive gotten some pretty nasty comments that im overly-pessimistic that it makes me optimistic.That im too used to shelv-ing my feelings that ive become a fake.
lastly.I dunno when i'll post next.still id like to thank the people around me for everything.and of course Idz...for revamping this blog...and for all those ppl who pestered me to update.
still im left wondering whether its true that as long as there are no dreams,there wont be any failures.If yes.I wanna be nothing when I grow up.forgotten even.who I am and who I make up.I know what i want in life.
you asked me what i learnt from the all the breakups from my 1st ex till like now.total of 3 i guess.
well overall. Id kid myself that.If I have everything that I want now,there wouldn't be any point to living in the future.it sounds cool huh.sensible perhaps.
dear bloggy.ur so irritatingly weird looking and nice to have around.but some things i still will not write here.lets say.my REAL blog is in my Heart.Ur nothing but a mistake waiting to happen and maybe id have to delete you...sooner or later.
I hope that friday will come faster...then we'll speak.and i'll show you how a good actor I am.and then you'll say..ur SO optimistic sia. =)
im bound to fail as a songwriter,should i even be present on the 14th to support my cousin's band?.
cross my heart,I miss all my brothers and sisters.SO sorry if i seemed distant lately.
Ive tried my best,but I failed you still====>hopefully not
lets pray that I don't go 'I've Done Enough' anytime soon.Labels: Bury Me Underground
posted at [11:20 PM]
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Tuesday, November 07, 2006
today's like yesterday,which is like anyday cept today sucks more.HAIZ!!!
good news 1st,im STILL alive
& I think im gonna make it this time round.
bad news,ive been blacking-out alot of times the past wk,3 times liao.
Im like more curious to why i blackout than am afraid.My hair is been to suck alot.Im never afraid.Im not the kinda ppl who's afraid of DEATH
sums up the day ive been gone...yeah.aaaah..nothing much here.
I couldn't get to sleep 1 morning at abt 11+....i took afew sleeping pills at one go.I logged-out MSN like 146am...7ppl online that time...kk.went to sleep.woke up at abt 3am(splitting headache).I was like suffering from memory lost.Seriously thought that i was dead.
the things that went through me were(from first to last):
1)Panic(was like going...am I dead....then like sth was telling me I was over and over again)
2)Self-Denial
3)Family(wondering what's gonna happen to my relatives if i die)
4)Friends(same as above)
5)Exams(was like fucking angry man,studied so fucking hard this yr.thought that it's stupid for me to die like that)
6)Acceptance
the scariest part was not that man...of the close encounter with death.It made me realise how fragile life was and how inter-related we all are.Initially i was afraid of Death when i woke up without a reason...the feeling was like as if someone smashed my head and stuff..blank and acheing head...after that...Wasn't afraid anymore...
the funniest/scariest thing was i remember parts where like i go to the toilet to wash my face,cry and stuff and i remember like walking around my house....wondering if I AM really DEAD...then what's gonna happen...aren't i supposed to go to heaven/hell..and tugging myself into bed.
Woke up the next day due to my mum's shout or sth.like...i remember the above parts...the thing i couldn't figure was like how come parts of the previous day was like missing even till now from my head.like what i did before MSN and stuff....
posted at [10:43 PM]
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Wednesday, November 01, 2006
a whirlwind ripped through my mind the past wk or so.Its totally funny and im becoming more and more confused.
I bring forth good news,mostly bad today.
Today,was my combine science exams(Phy/Bio).I studied hrs for physics yesterday...till i eventually vomitted..i was feeling nauseous,even now i still am.So I stopped studying.Today's exam is on BIOLOGY...I totally never touched that yesterday.woke up with a fever.Perservered,rushed to the exam centre.
I was lucky,my memory of bio did not fail me.True,I can never get my As now.Feeling SO disappointed.But im lucky if i even scrape through the combine science exam..Life's REAL UNFAIR.Out Of All The Days I had to fall sick.Work so hard also useless.
You Know something funnier?.This Sat's supposed to be the day where my relatives visit my house(jalan raye).I was planning to go Study on that day with IDZWAN.Received an sms from Ain to join the malays to jalan raye this Sat.Idzwan also going...I need to give Ain an answer by tomorrow.
but exam's on Monday..if i wanted to Jalan Raye..i need no invitation..now im stuck..hopefully I can do this on my own.
YOU KILLED ME!!!
posted at [10:48 PM]
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